By Jake Levine
Taking advantage of a rare opportunity for a day off, Responsibility reportedly spent Thursday’s snow day enjoying the weather. “When is the next time that I’m going to get a complete day off?” Responsibility relayed to an Acorn correspondent. “Forget about all important engagements you might have on Friday, there’s no school today – do nothing!”
It’s an interesting shift in behavior from Responsibility’s normally stoic, accountable personality. Usually found hitting the books in the library, choosing a salad over pizza in the Commons, or not waiting till the night of to start that pesky paper, Responsibility was found at the C-Store sometime after midnight buying numerous Pizza-Pockets and Gatorades. Reports suggest that Responsibility was hazy-eyed and distant, mumbling something about “smashing this food hard af”. Responsibility was later found kicking over one of the outdoor ashtrays and attempting to fight one of the groundhogs over a fallen pizza pocket.
Speaking as a close friend and confidant of Responsibility, Stress sympathized with his friend’s uncharacteristic behavior. “I mean, the guy is under so much pressure. This week alone he had three papers and two quizzes. He needed some ‘him time,’” Stress relayed to Acorn correspondents. “I took the day off too,” he added, “But my shift started again earlier this evening, when I reminded students of the impending work and engagements that they have tomorrow. Responsibility may have taken the day off, but Reason and Rationality are both still on the clock!” Reason and Rationality, however could not be reached for comment. It seems they joined Responsibility in the woods to “dab” and perhaps do other dances. On returning, they all reeked of a distinct odor and had red, tired eyes. It seems their dance foray was quite intense!
Instead of returning to their posts, Responsibility, Reason, and Rationality exclaimed to me, “Screw this, we’re going to order Fatty’s and watch Animal Planet”. Hopefully they return soon, as Drew students are beginning to realize they have “a shitload of work,” as one student reported to me. This is Jake Levine, reporting from the Drew Acorn, enjoy your snow day.
Jake is a a sophomore History major and Art History and French double minor.