The iPhone Conspiracy

By Hannah Bouchard

Everyone has seen the meme or cracked a joke about our iPhones bugging out or being slow whenever a new one is released. Maybe your phone is freezing or something is up with the new updates. Or, like me, it’s telling you that you have no storage when you have 64 GB. Oh my god, I’ve had this phone for months and it’s never said no storage. What the hell, Apple?

Anyways, now more than ever, I’ve noticed this conspiracy affecting my iPhone-enthusiast lifestyle. I’ve been team iPhone since my iPhone 4, but with every new release, it becomes harder and harder to defend Apple because of this ridiculous problem. When the iPhone 6 came out, my iPhone 5 got the white screen of death. Now, I have to delete apps, songs or a couple hundred pictures every few hours if I want to take pictures because I get that dreaded no storage message, a fan favorite. I don’t want to delete memes! Or Uber Eats even though Madison still doesn’t offer it! I just don’t!

I actually believe this conspiracy and I have since I had my trusty original iPhone 4 a few years ago. I don’t only believe it because my apps start force-closing and my photo-taking ability basically goes to shit, but because everyone else feels the same way. On Twitter the past week or so, everyone’s saying that they’re getting every letter “i” replaced with an “A” followed by a question mark. I see it too, and it’s really annoying to have to translate these Apple hieroglyphics every time I’m trying to read a tweet. People with iOS 11 are saying it’s slow as hell, too, and I believe it. There have even been graphs made that show that the Google search “iPhone slow” crazily spikes after each new iPhone release day, and the spikes have gotten higher as Apple has made new models, so they probably make the problems worse as they keep making new phones.

I’ve been told that the reason everyone’s phones act crazy when new ones come out is because old phones, like the 5, 6, even 7, aren’t really made for the iOS updates that usually accompany a new phone. So if I have a 6, and I update to iOS 11, my phone may not handle it right. For this reason, I held off on updating, and it was hard, because I really want new emojis. It was to no success, though, because my phone is still acting crazy and I’m down to 8 apps from my original 14.

All I’m saying is that I’m sick and tired of Apple disrespecting my overpriced smartphone, and all I ask is that my phone works until I can upgrade with my plan, and THEN I’ll buy an iPhone X.

And I know what you’re thinking—just switch to Android—but I will never. EVER. Give up group iMessage.

Hannah is a freshman.

Graphic done by Caroline Polich.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s